Informal Conflict Transformation Procedure

Use the below steps first when addressing a conflict with someone. However, if using these tools does not see satisfactory change within 4 weeks, refer the matter to People Operations.

1. Personal Reflection

• Think through what happened. Take time and space to process and clarify your thinking if you feel confused, overwhelmed, or are experiencing strong emotions

• Use these Self-Reflection Questions to help you improve your clarity and self-awareness, connect with your feelings and needs, and choose next steps

• Ask yourself what part you played/are playing in the situation, what you could have done differently, and what your needs are to improve the situation

• Note uncertainties and possible misunderstandings in your interactions, including cultural differences

• Distinguish disagreement from personal hostility. We're allowed to disagree, dissent and discuss

• Ask yourself if any new ideas, insights or possibilities have emerged to meet your needs

• Review our Conflict Transformation Resources

• If you require external support, move to Step 2.

2. Individual support

• Talk to a trusted friend, colleague or your steward to work through your own perspective, feelings and experience

• If you need it, ask your steward for empathy to help you self-connect or for silent listening

• Ask your steward to check your assumptions, e.g. using the ladder of inference or other similar tool/process

• If you still feel a charge around the issue, ask your steward for support in going through this Transforming Enemy Image Process together

• If you feel you need to go beyond individual work to resolve the problem, move to Step 3a if the tension is with an individual or Step 3b if it is a wider group issue.

3. Direct Communication

a. One to one

• As long as you feel safe and the power balance and tone is conducive to constructive discussion, approach the person in question and talk it out. Be mindful of picking a good time and place (privacy, lack of time pressure, mutually agreed location).

• Make sure you are as emotionally prepared as possible before the one-to-one:

  • You may like to use these Guidelines for Giving and Receiving Feedback and/or review these Communication Methods to Promote Shared Understanding to help you prepare what you’d like to say. These resources will help you to make a clear request (as opposed to a judgment or a demand) and increase the chances the other person will hear it and respond with a yes, no or counterproposal
  • You may like to use this simple structure for a direct conversation to help you say what you need to say during the conversation
  • You may also like to practise what you might say and dealing with challenging ways the other person might respond with your steward or through journaling beforehand

  • If you still feel an emotional charge around the issue or person, go through another ‘Transforming Enemy Image Process’ (a simple process can be found here).
• If you don’t feel like you can work it out one-on-one, or if a one-to-one conversation does not resolve the issue or help find a mutually agreeable solution, move to Step 3(b) or Step 4.

b. With the group

• Depending on the nature of the issue you may decide to raise it in a group space or Matrix or Silent Sitting Circle.
• If you don’t feel like this has resolved the issue or that any of these spaces are appropriate, move to Step 5.

4. Supported Conversation

• Bring in a trusted peer or your steward to host a conversation with the people involved. The other party might want to bring their steward, too. The peer/steward can act as mediator but they can’t impose a resolution

If using these tools does not see satisfactory change within 4 weeks, refer the matter to People Ops.

Resources

Additional resources on conflict transformation and communication to promote shared understanding can be found here.

If you have a suggestion to improve this page, click here.